Sometimes the worst movies can make the best nights

Mom and dad need a date night. Luckily for them, two of their daughters’ favorite people live ten minutes away. 

Cue Aunt Rachel and Unky Matt for babysitting duties. 

Now, the time has come. The candy and popcorn you bought for them at Christmas is about to show it’s true colors. There’s no turning back, and it’s all your fault. 
Don’t forget to mention the $1 movie you bought at Dollar Tree for an “all-inclusive movie night.” Now you have to sit through “Adventures of Petey and Friends,” the worst movie ever known to man. 

So the scene is set. Two lollipops, two popcorn bins filled, Sweet-Tarts candy, and “Mermaid Juice” (Green Hawaiian Punch mixed with some Skinny Syrup’s mermaid mixer). 

Little did you know, there would be a 5 minute montage smack dab in the middle of the movie where a nurse helicopter, Kylie, flies across the desert looking for Petey, a douche-bag fighter jet who has also been framed for murdering his best friend (yes, this is a kids movie). 

There’s no dialogue, just sad music as she goes through all of her memories with Petey… which of course, all happened in the last 12 hours. 

This calls for a time of song writing. 

As uncle, you have the opportunity to make up ridiculous things that your nieces just find hilarious. In this case, it was the “Petey Song.” Here’s a snippet below:

“Petey, where are you? Where’s your laser beam? I need it, oh Petey. Petey, I miss you. I’m thinking about when we met at the gas station, it was stinky.”

The context? Petey has a laser beam that he drags people with when they can’t fly. 
And the gas station? The chopper found Petey stealing the desert base’s gas supply at the beginning of the movie and all the planes proceeded to take Petey into custody. 

This is also an opportunity to really see the dynamic of personalities shine of your nieces.

The 5-year-old is very emotionally aware and feels very deeply. So she freestyles a heartbreaking love song from the perspective of Kylie the Helicopter. “All of my love, I was looking for you. You would look in my eyes, baby my eyes…” 

The 3-year-old is more of a free spirit. A bundle of sunshine and a ball of energy. “I love you, my Petey” she sang over… and over… and over…

Of course once the movie is done, what do the kids want to do? Watch another movie. This time, a much better film. Disney’s Encanto. 

Sadly, mom & dad’s date night ends in the middle of the movie. A true travesty (to the girls). 

Before leaving, the 5-year-old randomly walks into the kitchen and gently hits her mouth on a wooden chair. This turns into a major meltdown where popcorn is thrown across the floor, “I hate you guys” is said to everyone in the room, and crying proceeds underneath the coffee table. 

The meltdown ends with “I’m so tired.” And then a sweet apology filled with her tears and a hug for uncle & aunt. 

The night ends, and it’s time to go home. And after the whirlwind of emotions, the 5-year-old tells mom and dad “That was the best night of my life.”

Oh, and the best part about Petey? He’s not even the green plane on the cover. He’s the Orange fighter jet right behind him. Such a stupid movie, but such good memories.

Thanks, Petey. I pray my nieces never ask to watch you again. 


Published by mattsheehanofficial

Matt Sheehan is a journalist based in Illinois. He grew up in St. Louis and went to college at Missouri State University. He's the host of On the Record, and secures exclusive interviews with celebrities for his TV morning show.

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